Dimitri Vassilaros, columnist for the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
If social conservatives really wanted to protect marriage, the Marriage Protection Amendment would prohibit divorce.
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Divorce, by definition, is the threat to the "sacred" institution. So let's use that in a counterattack. Let's put those who would deny Americans that most basic civil right, on the defensive. Let's see if marriage really is a sacred cow or just something to be milked politically.
For any social conservatives reading this blog, I'm going to tell you a surefire strategy for putting the kibosh on same-sex marriage. If you can get the Nation's legislators and prosecutors to do exactly two things, the gay community itself will end the campaign for equal marriage rights. I guarantee it.
Are you ready? Here we go. (By the way, I do mean every word of this.)
First, repeal no-fault divorce statutes wherever they exist and require anyone seeking a divorce to show cause why it should be granted. Set the bar high. A history of physical abuse should constitute acceptable cause, but not vague "irreconcilable differences." When people marry, they should know that the law takes their vows seriously; once a couple says "we do," the partners should understand that they will probably be without legal recourse for dissolving their union.
Second, make adultery a crime (in states where it isn't already) and then actually prosecute it. I admit this goal might be complicated by the U.S. Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas. But I've read that decision three or four times and I'm not convinced that it presents an absolute bar to the criminalization of adultery. And in any event, there's only one way to find out. Bring up a defendant on charges. It won't be hard to find one.
If you can do these two things, I guarantee that the gay community will shut up about same-sex marriage. Indeed, you would have created an institution from which all but a few gay men would recoil in horror. You'd be saying to them, "Look, if you get married, you're probably going to have to stay married to this one partner for your whole life. And if you have any sex outside your relationship, you risk going to jail."
Hardly any gay men, especially those in their 20s or 30s, will want to hear that. And fewer still will want to be part of it. The PC crowd will jump me for saying so, but it's the truth. (I admit, lesbians may be another story. But lesbians don't set the gay community's political agenda. Middle class gay males set the gay community's political agenda. I'm not saying that's the way it should be, ladies; I'm just saying that's the way it is. But you already know that, don't you?)
You think I'm kidding about all this? I'm not. I'm serious as cancer. Moreover, I've just described public policy goals that would restore and protect traditional marriage. Easy divorce is a contemporary development in our law. And for most of our Nation's history, adultery was at least socially, if not always legally, penalized. (Bill Clinton managed to stay in office even after his extracurricular activities became a matter of public record. Do you think John Kennedy could have done the same?)
Of course, it's not politically possible -- or at least it's not in most states -- to repeal no-fault divorce laws or to prosecute adultery. But if you understand why those things aren't possible, you understand why same-sex marriage is possible -- or at least why it seems so to gay people.
When social conservatives talk of defending traditional marriage, to what traditions do you refer? To the ones Americans established only 30 years ago, when they decided that the rules by which their parents lived were inconsistent with personal happiness? If traditional marriage is inconceivable to most gay men, it's also now inconceivable to most heterosexuals.
In the past, the rules and attitudes pertaining to marriage were consistent with, and supportive of, the institution's larger-than-self (and heterosexually-oriented) social purposes. Yes, people married for love and they hoped for a lifetime of happiness. Weddings were then, as they are now, occasions for joy and expectation. But as a matter of both law and custom, the happiness of the couple wasn't ultimately dispositive. Marriage had a social purpose to serve, and it served that purpose whether or not the couple was happy.
If marriage was to keep women out of poverty and provide children with a stable home life, it made sense to make divorce difficult. If marriage was intended to corral the procreative consequences of heterosexual sex, it made sense to stigmatize adultery. These purposes also made marriage inapposite to the experience of gay men, which is why marriage rights weren't on the agenda of the liberation movement to which the Stonewall riots gave birth.
But today, for reasons we need not explore here, Americans see marriage as a vehicle for meeting the needs of the individual, and they require that their marriages not be inconsistent with their personal happiness. Unsurprisingly, our law and social customs now reflect this new understanding of marriage's purposes.
But where the old purposes of marriage served to disqualify gay men and women from admission to the institution, the new purposes invite them. Two gay men are indisputably capable of staying married only for so long as they're happy with one another. What's uniquely heterosexual about that?
Strip marriage of the rules that make it unappealing to gay men but keep all the nice perks that come with it -- what, you think we don't want our partners to have health insurance? -- and you get the inevitable. You get a political campaign driven by middle class gay men, possessed as all middle class Americans are of a suffocating sense of entitlement, that will not relent until it succeeds.
You're a social conservative who wants to protect traditional marriage? Fine. You can have what you want. All you have to do is get your neighbors to submit their own marriages to the rules of tradition.
You'll understand if I don't hold my breath.